Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
