I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
