I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
