highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
