For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
