You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
