she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
