i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
