I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
