watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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