girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
