THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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