some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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