I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
