Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
