Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(513): View more from Ohio

Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.

(615): View more from Tennessee

That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right

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(703): View more from Virginia

just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.

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(301): View more from Maryland

just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''

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(910): View more from North Carolina

Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.

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(765): View more from Indiana

You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina

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(314): View more from Missouri

For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.

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