Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
