hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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