1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
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