dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
