I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
