dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
