he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
