the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
