So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
