just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
