Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
