i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
