I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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