I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
