I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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