evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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