What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
