Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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