no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
