It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The air was thick with penises
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
