i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize