Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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