Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize