hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
