when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
