just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
