A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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