I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize