the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
