Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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