is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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