i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
