jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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