Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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