I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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