this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
