You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
