hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
