singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
