I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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