The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Found your dick twin last night
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
