I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
