1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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