Will you blow on my dice?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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