What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize