apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
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