I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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