Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
