***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
