I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
