Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
