just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize