Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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