Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
