Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He had one of those small greek statue penises
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
