I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
