Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
