So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
They took my balls.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
