You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize