dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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