talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
