The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
