Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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