You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
