so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
