I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize