I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
so much tequila, so little girl.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
All the doctor said was why
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