was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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