so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
