Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Are my feet made of real feet?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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