i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
