yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
