Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
