My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
