I should be sponsored by Trojan
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Can I color on your dick again?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
