It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
